Wednesday, August 29, 2007

grizzle face

See this little grizzle face? (With chilled out big brother in the background.) That is how Magnus looks a lot of the time lately.

We aren’t getting on that great at the moment. I can’t seem to do anything right. Any food I offer is wrong - even if he was pleading for it minutes ago. Every play activity I suggest is terrible and wrong and sends him into a rage.

But if anyone other than me suggests the same thing - he’s all “Wow, what a brilliant idea!”

So...rather than wait another six months for kindy - we’re going to give Playcentre a go. I need something for him that isn’t about just the two of us at home.

I’ve tried a couple of coffee groups/playgroups but I’m not really a coffee group kinda person and I usually end up hanging out in the corner by myself feeling like a total weirdo. At least at Playcentre there is forced interaction of the adults, because we have to organise the play.

Magnus is SO different from Willo, too. Willo is very agreeable, laid back, open to suggestions - Magnus is highly opinionated, feisty, moody. I would be lying if I didn’t say I find those differences hard.

I’m hoping Playcentre will be the panacea for mine and Magnus’s relationship problems. I think we have some co-dependency issues. Heh.

I’ve been discovering the depth and breadth of that notion that it’s possible to love your child and yet not like them very much all at the same time. That’s been us lately, and I don’t like feeling that way. But it;s pretty hard to like someone who greets you with the grizzle face and wheedles and whines all day. Yargh!

Am I a bad mother???

Please, Playcentre, help make us into Happy Helen and Magnificent Magnus again. I miss my delightful, apple-cheeked happy boy.

**postcript**
thank you SO MUCH for the comments/emails you’ve made about this post - they are all so lovely and supportive and have helped me a lot. As I said to my sweet sis-in-law on the phone last night - if what you “do” is fulltime mothering, when it goes ‘wrong’ or gets hard it kind of feels like you’re failing at your job! Anyway, I take heart at everything you’ve said and we’re very excited about our first Playcentre session tomorrow morning - I’ll report back! Thanks, lovelies.

How could such a considered, thoughtful, conscientious woman be a bad mother? Nope - you’re not.

May Playcentre offer you all you hope for. It must be hard not to take his antsyness personally, espcially if he’s lovely with other people!!

I love Playcentre. I hope you and Magnus enjoy it as much as Gabriel and I do.

oh Helen. You have such a way of putting my thoughts into well thought-out sense making words that I just can’t seem to find.
I feel almost exactly the same, I think, lately. Aesop quite often won’t eat anything, contstantly yells at me for doing the wrong thing, even if i’m just making dinner, or reading a book. Everything is wrong. He even tells me I’m not cold if I say I am etc.
And everyone else raves about how wonderful he is and lovely and wellbehaved. His mood changes in an instant the second someone else walks in the door alot of the time. It’s horrible and leaves me feeling like a horrible person when I’m thiiiiiiis close to calling the goblin king, and I’m sure if Aesop hadn’t yelled the who way through the labrinyth movie Aesop would be too.

Preschool three mornings a week is such a life saver for me, and it’s so awesome for Aesop.
And I’m sure playcentre will be a huge and great change for you and Magnus too.

presently I take my youngest to playgroup
us mums are on a rostered basis to either tell a story, sing songs or do an activity with the children
so we do have to do things
I LOVE our playgroup
I think maybe they are all different
at our playgroup we also talk to the new mums

anyways I hope playcentre works for you both
I use to take my older kids there

I lastly dont think youre a bad mum
my older son use to whine and boy did it get on my nerves
you could ask him to use his words
Billy had/has dyspraxia which was verbal so his speech was limited
this is why he would whine
he was frustrated as he couldnt communicate well enough with me

Playcentre is the one m’dear.

to magnus, awesome/5 fun years I spent there/ enjoyable/ from sage

oh, helen. i’ve not been to playcentre but my sister loves taking her children there and it seems like a really wonderful, supportive environment. good on you for trying to make a change in your routines and doing something together like that. kia kaha.

funny thing is, this post could have been written by me, word for word, about arlo and keira. (you’re not alone.) do you think it’s a second-child, thing, or is it something about being 2?

My sister loves it too. She commits quite a lot of time to the playcentre training, though, but gets a lot out of it too. Her home life is happier for it, I reckon. Sometimes, though, she longs --living at Lyall Bay-- to play at the beach on those kind of mornings or play with cooking at home or something instead of being roped into the playcentre schedule. You may miss your fluidity, but you won’t miss those cranky one on one’s—enduring moments, spanning days—with Magnus.

hey there,
good on you for letting it all out, I think this post has been so helpful to you and other parents.
play centre will be a great solution for the both of you. I hope it went well today!
xoxox
kimberlee

I’ve no idea what Playcentre is but I do hope it helps.  The growly grumpy boy in my house comes and goes.  He’s here more when he’s going through a growth spurt of some sort.  I work full time so I get to share the with others which generally makes me feel like there are lots of witness to what a failure I am.  And then we’re all good again. I’m sending you vibes for some relief!

I reckon relationships with each of your kids ebb and flow, soon enough the one who’s the hardest becomes easy for awhile, and another one gets harder.. it goes in cycles and you can only do your best and look for ways to make things easier.. (not that I’m an expert, but I know what you’re talking about!).

A great, open and honest post.  You sum up the feelings that all of us go through from time to time.  My eldest daughter, now four, and at Lyall Bay Kindi was so similar to your youngest, but is great now (most of the time!).  My youngest is approaching two and so far has been such an easy, happy soul from day one, I’m hoping this continues into ‘the twos’!

I went to Houghton Valley Playcentre for a while and absolutely loved it.  It’s got a certain magic to it and a strong community spirit.  Everyone is so welcoming.

However, I found it a struggle with my two children (though tons of people do it with multiples, even twins!).  The evening commitments were hard for me as my children never seemed to settle at the right time to sleep and I still breastfeed my youngest.

I also found it hard to commit to a whole session as one of my children would ask to go home after an hour or two (there was always so much to do they found it quite full-on and reached ‘saturation’ point quite quickly!).  I found it difficult to keep my children happy once one of them had their mind set that they needed the comfort and security of home and I wasn’t keen on pushing them through their comfort levels until they were ready.  But this was all on ‘general session’, not at ‘Starter Group’.  I really LOVED Starter Group.

I’m sure you’ll love it and get so much out of your experience there.

All the very best, Sarah

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