swan song
Saturday 3 June, 2006
Well, the party was really something. Sarah was the supreme hostess and there were drinks aplenty, coloured lights in the garden and divine food (not that I ate any - see yesterdays post!)
I had one of those rare, transformative sort of nights, which kind of felt like the apex of something...and the end of something...and the beginning of something else. It could have been residual frailty and low-blood sugar from my illness, but I felt like I could see with extreme, clinical clarity. It was kinda scary.
The best bit was the crazy drive! - down there, all hyped on coffee and excitement. Playing music real loud. Chatting to my boy. No kids, no worries for a few hours...just the pretty night lights and the road and us and the way Wellington harbour looks when you turn out of the gorge and first clap eyes on it - so beautiful...and later, the ride home - windows wound down to keep us awake, more blaring music, I cried quite a lot in a carthartic, good way and more great chats. A feeling of clarity. Decisions made. Resolutions, too.
I've decided to stop my blog.
Lots of things have been nudging me in this direction over the past few months. I've had a very strange few months. (If anyone knows tarot, all I can say is - the tower card!) Hormonal mayhem, some major inward searching, facing up to some bald truths about myself and the way I am in the world...all that stuff that goes on once in a while.
This blog has been so so valuable for me - especially when I first started it when Magnus was just two months old and I needed a way to keep writing each day that was fast and easy. Especially since so many wonderful people have left comments and sent emails in response to stuff I've written - and I really value that interaction. Thank you all so much! You don't know how much you all really saved my life at times! :)
I've learned heaps about you and about me and about my take on life.
Still, I'm done with participating in cyberworld for now. I just deleted my Flickr account with the press of a button and it felt...incredibly freeing! Now I'm giving you all big goodbye hugs and kisses via cables and pixels and this feels a lot harder and stranger, but also good.
To quote Morrissey:
"Since the age of seven or eight I was certainly hatching something and I always felt in my own misguided way like a little work of art. I was very determined, and I knew whatever it was it would never be conventional. And that led me here. I could never pretend to be one of a gang because I wasn't and I didn't want to be. Whenever I got knocked back and someone said "forget it, you idiot" it just made me more determined because I knew, deep down, that I was reasonably glamorous, even if no one else could see it."
I find that mixture of delusion and self-belief very familiar and also comforting. I got work to do and I need to be getting on with it.
Yeah.
Thanks again to all the lushies and lovelies who ever left a comment or wrote an email. You are all wonderful, warm people and I value what you gave me.
Thanks especially to my "everyday people": Melissa, Rhiannon, Rachael, Sarah, Lisa, Bronya, Kirsten.
Thanks to my sweet Fraser - for all of the techie work, effort and love.
And to my Moon-River Man:
You were brutal, but I needed it. (You got some of the details wrong, like that old Palmerston North rant of yours - but the other stuff you said - yeah, yep and OK.) You took me from the shallows where I was floundering and threw me back into the icy depths where I do so much better. Thank you.
So lovely, readers of SSS, goodbye for now.
Unending thanks,
xxxxxx Helen xxxxxxxx
Posted on 03 June, 2006 | 1:53pm | 23 comments |
four hours driving for a bit of a boogie
Friday 2 June, 2006
My darling, darling friend Sarah is throwing a 'Parisian salon' birthday party in Wellington tonight! She's so clever and organised she wrote a wee comic book as the invite!
We had planned to make a weekend of it, but it's been a hard week. Willo had a vomit-bug, then Magnus got it just as a poo-bug and then I got it as a vomit-bug (sorry, probably too much information here...but anyway...)
I'm doing okay today, just feeling residually weak and icky after no food and not much liquids for 48 hours so we've decided to leave the boys here and our friend Rachael is going to come and stay with them. So, we're going to put the boys to bed, drive to Wellington, hopefully get the party by 9pm-ish...dance, laugh, do lots of air-kisses with fabulouso Wellington folk...who knows, maybe I'll even feel like eating one of Sarah's divine canapes by then? Four or five hours of partying, then Fraser is going to drink a triple espresso and we're driving home! Whee! Madness!
Why would we consider such folly?
a) because I'm not up to the ordeal that is travelling with small children right now
b) because I should be marking this weekend anyway, not playing with my mates down south
c) because the traffic will be quiet in both directions at those hours
d) because W and M will never even know we went anywhere, this way.
e) because there is a chance it could be the party of the decade
f) because I love Sarah lots and want to be there for her
g) because I have a 'new' 1970s floor length party frock that needs an outing
h) because I love love love to dance and the only dancing I do these days is on the turkish rug in the lounge with W and M
i) because I keep reminding myself that when we lived in London we would frequently travel via tube, bus and train for up to two hours to go to parties or find obscure clubs that we'd read about in Time Out
j) because sometimes it is good to do something a bit stupid - I reckon it keeps you young and reminds you that there is life beyond cosy-domestica!
I hope to bring you saucy tales and silly photos of this fabulous soiree soon! I'm even excited about the road trip with just my lovely and no kidlets to get a crick in my neck turning around to care for!
Even if the only substance to pass my lips is mint tea, I still intend to have a blast! Wheeee!
Posted on 02 June, 2006 | 1:23pm | 10 comments |
broochback mountain
Thursday 1 June, 2006
Heh! I couldn't resist that bad pun.
I've decided to have a crack at having a stall at the upcoming alternative craft fair, 'Craftwerk' and so my evenings after kidlets are in bed are spent bent over hand-sewing making a pile of fabric brooches for my stall (if I get in! fingers crossed!)
At the moment, I'm aiming to make ten of each of my ideas - if I get time to make more before July, all good! I'm making fabric flowers, skulls, birds, tea cups and cupcakes - at least that is the plan!
So yeah, there are mountains of brooch backs, little cut outs of felt, embroidery thread and fabric scraps on every 'out-of-kid's-reach' surface in my lounge! Yeek! Poor Fraser!
I do LOVE to hand-sew - I find it so relaxing. And it's a satisfying craft, because I have a finished product within an hour.
I'll post about my progress over the next wee while - tell which items you like the best, won't you? I'd also be interested to hear how you think I should price these items, as I'm still deciding...
When I close my eyes to go to sleep, lately, all I can think about is new possiblities for brooches...like, is it possible to render a retro suitcase-record player in felt?
Posted on 01 June, 2006 | 11:54am | 9 comments |