swan song
Saturday 3 June, 2006
Well, the party was really something. Sarah was the supreme hostess and there were drinks aplenty, coloured lights in the garden and divine food (not that I ate any - see yesterdays post!)
I had one of those rare, transformative sort of nights, which kind of felt like the apex of something...and the end of something...and the beginning of something else. It could have been residual frailty and low-blood sugar from my illness, but I felt like I could see with extreme, clinical clarity. It was kinda scary.
The best bit was the crazy drive! - down there, all hyped on coffee and excitement. Playing music real loud. Chatting to my boy. No kids, no worries for a few hours...just the pretty night lights and the road and us and the way Wellington harbour looks when you turn out of the gorge and first clap eyes on it - so beautiful...and later, the ride home - windows wound down to keep us awake, more blaring music, I cried quite a lot in a carthartic, good way and more great chats. A feeling of clarity. Decisions made. Resolutions, too.
I've decided to stop my blog.
Lots of things have been nudging me in this direction over the past few months. I've had a very strange few months. (If anyone knows tarot, all I can say is - the tower card!) Hormonal mayhem, some major inward searching, facing up to some bald truths about myself and the way I am in the world...all that stuff that goes on once in a while.
This blog has been so so valuable for me - especially when I first started it when Magnus was just two months old and I needed a way to keep writing each day that was fast and easy. Especially since so many wonderful people have left comments and sent emails in response to stuff I've written - and I really value that interaction. Thank you all so much! You don't know how much you all really saved my life at times! :)
I've learned heaps about you and about me and about my take on life.
Still, I'm done with participating in cyberworld for now. I just deleted my Flickr account with the press of a button and it felt...incredibly freeing! Now I'm giving you all big goodbye hugs and kisses via cables and pixels and this feels a lot harder and stranger, but also good.
To quote Morrissey:
"Since the age of seven or eight I was certainly hatching something and I always felt in my own misguided way like a little work of art. I was very determined, and I knew whatever it was it would never be conventional. And that led me here. I could never pretend to be one of a gang because I wasn't and I didn't want to be. Whenever I got knocked back and someone said "forget it, you idiot" it just made me more determined because I knew, deep down, that I was reasonably glamorous, even if no one else could see it."
I find that mixture of delusion and self-belief very familiar and also comforting. I got work to do and I need to be getting on with it.
Yeah.
Thanks again to all the lushies and lovelies who ever left a comment or wrote an email. You are all wonderful, warm people and I value what you gave me.
Thanks especially to my "everyday people": Melissa, Rhiannon, Rachael, Sarah, Lisa, Bronya, Kirsten.
Thanks to my sweet Fraser - for all of the techie work, effort and love.
And to my Moon-River Man:
You were brutal, but I needed it. (You got some of the details wrong, like that old Palmerston North rant of yours - but the other stuff you said - yeah, yep and OK.) You took me from the shallows where I was floundering and threw me back into the icy depths where I do so much better. Thank you.
So lovely, readers of SSS, goodbye for now.
Unending thanks,
xxxxxx Helen xxxxxxxx
Posted on 03 June, 2006 | 1:53pm | 28 comments
four hours driving for a bit of a boogie
Friday 2 June, 2006
My darling, darling friend Sarah is throwing a 'Parisian salon' birthday party in Wellington tonight! She's so clever and organised she wrote a wee comic book as the invite!
We had planned to make a weekend of it, but it's been a hard week. Willo had a vomit-bug, then Magnus got it just as a poo-bug and then I got it as a vomit-bug (sorry, probably too much information here...but anyway...)
I'm doing okay today, just feeling residually weak and icky after no food and not much liquids for 48 hours so we've decided to leave the boys here and our friend Rachael is going to come and stay with them. So, we're going to put the boys to bed, drive to Wellington, hopefully get the party by 9pm-ish...dance, laugh, do lots of air-kisses with fabulouso Wellington folk...who knows, maybe I'll even feel like eating one of Sarah's divine canapes by then? Four or five hours of partying, then Fraser is going to drink a triple espresso and we're driving home! Whee! Madness!
Why would we consider such folly?
a) because I'm not up to the ordeal that is travelling with small children right now
b) because I should be marking this weekend anyway, not playing with my mates down south
c) because the traffic will be quiet in both directions at those hours
d) because W and M will never even know we went anywhere, this way.
e) because there is a chance it could be the party of the decade
f) because I love Sarah lots and want to be there for her
g) because I have a 'new' 1970s floor length party frock that needs an outing
h) because I love love love to dance and the only dancing I do these days is on the turkish rug in the lounge with W and M
i) because I keep reminding myself that when we lived in London we would frequently travel via tube, bus and train for up to two hours to go to parties or find obscure clubs that we'd read about in Time Out
j) because sometimes it is good to do something a bit stupid - I reckon it keeps you young and reminds you that there is life beyond cosy-domestica!
I hope to bring you saucy tales and silly photos of this fabulous soiree soon! I'm even excited about the road trip with just my lovely and no kidlets to get a crick in my neck turning around to care for!
Even if the only substance to pass my lips is mint tea, I still intend to have a blast! Wheeee!
Posted on 02 June, 2006 | 1:23pm | 15 comments
broochback mountain
Thursday 1 June, 2006
Heh! I couldn't resist that bad pun.
I've decided to have a crack at having a stall at the upcoming alternative craft fair, 'Craftwerk' and so my evenings after kidlets are in bed are spent bent over hand-sewing making a pile of fabric brooches for my stall (if I get in! fingers crossed!)
At the moment, I'm aiming to make ten of each of my ideas - if I get time to make more before July, all good! I'm making fabric flowers, skulls, birds, tea cups and cupcakes - at least that is the plan!
So yeah, there are mountains of brooch backs, little cut outs of felt, embroidery thread and fabric scraps on every 'out-of-kid's-reach' surface in my lounge! Yeek! Poor Fraser!
I do LOVE to hand-sew - I find it so relaxing. And it's a satisfying craft, because I have a finished product within an hour.
I'll post about my progress over the next wee while - tell which items you like the best, won't you? I'd also be interested to hear how you think I should price these items, as I'm still deciding...
When I close my eyes to go to sleep, lately, all I can think about is new possiblities for brooches...like, is it possible to render a retro suitcase-record player in felt?
Posted on 01 June, 2006 | 11:54am | 66 comments
swappity swap
Wednesday 31 May, 2006
I'm here! it's just paper-grading time again, which means I have to behave like someone with a "real job" - hah! and use most of my computer time for working.
I went to possibly THE BEST clothes swap I've ever been to on Sunday night...and I must have been to at least ten. It wasn't just because I got lots of fabulous things (a friend who used to be the same size as me has shrunk a few sizes and so I inherited lots of her skirts, tops, and a fab dress-thing she made from a vintage petticoat! Whee!) but it was because everyone who was there got LOTS and was really happy and excited by their scores.
There is nothing worse than a clothes swap where one or two people trudge sadly home with nothing in their hands, or a clothes swap where the people there aren't actually 100% ready to give the stuff away and keep changing their minds and then get talked into taking their stuff home! (Yep - I've seen it happen.)
I also witnessed two friends fighting over a pair of op-shop paisley PJ pants that I was giving away and I eventually was called on to decide who should get them! It's so true about one person's cast off being another person's treasure!
Here are my thoughts about how to run the optimum clothes swap:
::Firstly, and mostly importantly, it is KEY to invite a good range of people with different tastes in clothes and different sizes! There is no point inviting one size 16 person to a clothes swap where everyone else is size 10, because they will go home empty-handed (and probably annoyed at your thoughtlessness!) And no, it isn't the same in reverse..because lower sized people can always wear clothes don't fit them, or adjust the clothes, but the same isn't true in reverse - if something is too small- it's just too small!
::When they arrive, ply your guests with lots of nice drinks and supper to get a happy mood going.
::Only take to the clothes swap clothes, accessories, shoes etc THAT YOU ARE TOTALLY OVER and are happy to donate, and don't care who gets them and what they might do to them. e.g. when you hear that your 7th form ball dress is going to be cut up for craft projects by someone - you need to be OK with this, otherwise you are not ready to get rid of it!
::Once you're all ready for some swap-action - it is most fun and also most efficient, if each person briefly 'showcases' what they have, so that people can see everything and also hear the often funny stories behind the clothes e.g. "this is a botched sewing project blah blah" or "I can't wear this dress anymore because it reminds me of my ex" etc.
You can either throw the clothes to the person who expresses interest at this stage, or do the big swaparama after all the showing off stuff. It's up to you. On Sunday, we distributed as we went.
:: Although it is called a 'swap' don't be anal as in "what will you give me for it?" sorta thing. I think it is generally accepted that you bring stuff, you'll go with stuff so there is no need to make direct one-to-one swaps for everything - it just makes the whole thing a little stressful and too much like being a normal consumer type of thing. Like karma, give well and you will receive in abundance! :)
:: If you are hosting, make sure that there is a room away from the swapping room where people can try stuff on if they want to, with a mirror. By the same token, if people want to take things without having tried them on first, that is their business! (Unless multiple people want the same thing, then maybe it would be fair for it to go to the person it fits best?)
:: Another optional thing to consider, if you have a car or whatever, is that you can say to people that they can leave the stuff they bought but didn't get rid of with you, and then you can do one big dump to the clothes bin to save your friends from letting things they should really be chucking out creep back into their wardrobes!
:: You don't have to stop at clothes - books, accessories, shoes and craft materials were also swapped on Sunday night.
:: At the end of the night, express gratitude to all of you fellow clothes swapees about all of the fabulousness you scored - and then amuse each other in the weeks to come seeing what your friends do with your pink bell-sleeved top or the blue sparkly frock etc.
P.S - If you stay in one place long enough - you will see the same things get swapped and re-swapped, and sometimes you might even take your old things home with you after a break of a year or two! Strange how good that old polyester shirt can look after you haven' worn it for a year and you've seen your mate 'work it' in ten different cool combinations. Heh.
Mostly importantly, have a lot of fun and SWAP OFTEN!
Posted on 31 May, 2006 | 11:38am | 12 comments
everything you love
Monday 29 May, 2006
Willo presented me with this picture this morning. I was honoured because lately he is obsessed with dinosaurs and that's all he draws!
He said "this is a heart filled with everything you love, Mum" and explained that there were cups of tea and coffee, hand-sewing, flowers, stripy socks and butterflies.
I swooned with the cuteness of it.
Willoughby is often worried about me being the only female in our family. He makes me necklaces and picks flowers for me. Whenever we walk past the extremely girly 'Sugar Plum Fairy' shop in our neighbourhood he says, "That's a girl's shop, Mum, you should go in and buy yourself something."
I hope he holds onto that sweet and compassionate side of his personality all his life!
Posted on 29 May, 2006 | 12:26pm | 11 comments
where is my 'In Real Life' life?
Thursday 25 May, 2006
Well, my site fell over because of the crappy hosts we are with and then Flickr got a bug and my photos couldn't be accessed and so I spent about 24 hours without my usual computer distractions...
Conclusion #1?
I am seriously seriously deeply badly addicted to the internet, to my blog, to Flickr, to email...
Conclusion #2?
Whatever happened to my IRL life?
Heh.
Ah well, all fixed now.
Whew.
Posted on 25 May, 2006 | 9:17am | 8 comments
Remembering how to stop and look...
Monday 22 May, 2006
Yesterday Willoughby picked this marigold for me. I grow them around the rim of my vege garden to stop bugs (and because they look pretty!)
When the weather starts to get cold, flowers like this look all the more miraculous. Such intense colour, such an extravagance of petals.
It makes me happy that having a garden means access to beauty...in your own backyard...and for so little money!
As Emma Goldman said: "I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds around my neck."
Posted on 22 May, 2006 | 7:47am | 8 comments
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